Jesus

Every relationship in my life is sacred to me. At times I feel a bit odd and somewhat of an outcast because I lean toward experiencing a relationship for oneself rather than talking about a relationship. The same goes with all the encounters and experiences I have. I naturally lean in to sharing in these encounters rather than talk about them. Except when there is a mutual experiencing on the same level that myself and another sync up, and in our talking about, we are experiencing it again, together. This is rare for me, though. I am yet to have relationships with others who experience what I do in the heavenly realms and so in the earth. 

I grew up in a protestant-evangelical christian / recovery / psychology / intellectually driven home. These were pillars of reality that grew inside of me because of the parents who raised me and the environment that cultivated me.

But before these pillars were established I knew Jesus. 

When I was 3 my mom, who was a single parent at that time, took my younger sister and myself to a light and sound show in Seattle, WA. I remember this time vividly. 

We were laying on the grass watching and listening intently to all that was happening around us. 

Suddenly, all sound quieted and all lights dimmed. Bit by bit, stars began to move into my sight as I began to be translated from a small child and into a vast oneness with everything. My awareness expanded to the point that I only knew One - and this One was God. Personal and intimate, even in this vast place where I had no bearings. 

This happened in a moment, for I became scared. Within the same breath I expanded, I too found myself entering back into the awareness of my small frame; blinking and peering around wondering what had just happened. 

I would have many experiences like this, but hold them in my heart for I did not know how to put these moments into words. 

At age 7 my mom married a man. His name is Mike. 

Not long after they married, they took myself and my younger sister to a Billy Graham crusade in Seattle, WA. I remember this evening vividly. As we walked through the massive doors we were surrounded by people of all sizes and kinds. A kind woman handed me a booklet with cartoon characters drawn within and little bits of writing through out. It was thick paper and felt much like a pamphlet would feel like. 

We followed our parents to our seats in this very large auditorium and sat quietly and expectantly. Looking around, I drew in closer to my jacket as the place filled with the sounds of many people. Then there was a hush in all sounds and a man began to speak in the distance. His voice was heard through out for he had a mic. I do not recall anything that was said until the moment he invited all the children to come down to the floor. 

A vibration of small footsteps overwhelmed the space, as the tromping of young ones finished their descent and sat before the stage. This Billy stood before us as we encircled him. I don't remember my sister or my parents anywhere close to me. 

In a moment my life changed. With a single gathering of words, I woke up. 

"Jesus love you. Jesus loves you." Over and over and over again. 

Within this name Jesus came the emersion of Love. From within and without. I felt this presence thicken and thicken as it rolled through me from the deepest places that I could never describe; enveloping me in entirety for it was always the atmosphere I rested in. I was consumed. 

There was only peace... perfect peace and stillness. I knew Love. And this was Jesus. 

Not long after those moments I encountered my first cognitive experience of being in multiple places at the same time. 

One evening my mom and new dad were having a bible study in the living room with friends that would join them weekly. 

Mom had put myself and my younger sister to bed - we shared a room at that time - and left us to dream and adventure. I remember her always taking the time to sing to us, tickle and scratch our backs and wait for us to fall asleep. She was always so gentle and so loving. 

This evening I did not fall asleep. Michelle seemed to disappear in my periphery. I remember calling out to Mom who was not far from our room. Waiting for her to re-enter and help me fall asleep, she did not come. This was strange, because she always came. 

But something did come. Something did happen.

In the midst of lying on my back in my room - fully awake, I was divided into multiple whole pieces, living in multiple places. Aware of all three simultaneously.

Suddenly, I was standing in front of my window, which overlooked a scene of many buildings extending as far as my eye could see. In a flash I peered through my bedroom window and gazed upon many beds being lifted into the air, with light figures holding each post and a person lying inside of the bed. In the distance I perceived a light bursting with many colors, brighter than any sunrise, filling the horizon even while it was night. 

I also found myself in the same bed that I saw rising into the sky amungst the multitude of many beds with many people. So too I peered into these light figures that held each post of my bed. They were long and appeared to flow like a drape, but with human like form. Their faces were not distinct in expression but warm in countenance. 

I also found myself laying in my bed in my room. Quiet, still. 

As I go back into this time and space, more details present themself to me. For I am reliving this moment as I am remembering. Memory is a funny thing. Not static or fixed, but infinite in dimensional reality and so infinite in details surfacing through revisiting and remembering.